Self-Love and Stress

The last few weeks have been hard. Actually, nix that. All of senior year has been hard. Papers, job searches, GRE prep, senior thesis- each one feels like another impossible layer caked into my brain and impossible to escape. Worst of all, with my stress has come another unwanted guest: self negativity.

It starts with an e-mail I forget to reply to, a late night of procrastination, a low grade on a paper, a missed appointment- the sort of thing that you might normally shrug off. But then it starts so to build and that little crotchety voice in the back of my head turns on- Really, you messed that up? You are such a disaster! You are such a weirdo! No wonder you get waitlisted for everything! No one is going to hire you for a job. Which of course, isn’t a logical reaction to life’s everyday mistakes- these things happen to everyone- yet it is completely debilitating. Everything starts to feel like a waste of time. Everything starts to seem so much harder than it actually is. Everything becomes more stressful than it already is.

All of this made for a horrible midterm week with little sleep, little food, and little time for myself. By Wednesday, as I burst into tears while working on a paper, I decided it was time to make my first loving decision of the week. I had been signed up for the Montreal Pilgrimage, but in the wake of my midterm zombie state, I decided that a week of sleeping and home comforts might be a better option. Withdrawing was a hard choice, but when I came home to homemade chicken noodle soup and a TV marathon with my sister, I decided I made the right choice.

And I did. Sleeping late, catching up with a few friends from home, finishing my novel, and then sleeping some more were all the perfect medicine to help me recover from a stressful week. But as Friday turned into Saturday and I realized that I would be going back soon, my mind fell into the stress frenzy once more. In remembering my responsibilities, the little voice returned. You had a whole week to get work done, what did you do? You are so irresponsible. No wonder nothing works out for you. I began to wonder how I was supposed to go back to school, not just face the piles of stress, but the negativity that the stress was making me feel.

So I went to mass on Saturday evening, closed my eyes and asked God: “How do I get over this? How do I find the strength to face the stress and still love myself?” I did the only thing I could do and I gave it over to God and waited for the answer.

“You are called to greatness,” were the first words of the priest’s homily that evening. It felt like his words were the answer to my prayer; a firm reminder that we already have everything we need. God gives each us gifts, talents, strengths and abilities. God gives us everything we need to do great things. Greatness looks different on all of us. Greatness doesn’t have to look like writing the world’s greatest senior thesis or nailing that French assignment. Greatness can look like organizing a fun evening with friends, or spending an afternoon volunteering, or writing a blog post you are really proud of. Any moment you are using your gifts, you are sharing your glorious self with others and you are revealing and reveling in your own personal greatness.

That greatness thrives best when we learn to love ourselves just a little bit more. It comes when we realize that God is our greatest cheerleader. God is the one sitting in the audience shouting, “Yeah! Go you! Do that great thing! Yeah look at that one! I made that one! Look at her go!” I am always constantly challenging myself to look at others as God sees them and to love them as God does. But what I failed to see was that this applies to me too. Part of our faith is being compassionate to those around us, but that compassion extends resoundingly to ourselves as well. It’s not selfish to love yourself, to take care of yourself, to rejoice in the amazing creation that is you- because you are God’s creation and that is what you are supposed to do with God’s creations. When you’ve finally let your voice shut up, you can take a step and see yourself as God does- an astounding, marvelous miracle.

I can’t get rid of my senior thesis or my job hunt or the GRE. But I can start with tackling my inner bully, by switching the negative messages to positive ones. I can start by celebrating each moment of greatness. You taught a great catechism class tonight, Megan! You made a stellar playlist! Wait, holy crap, you finished your novel! Go you! When our inner voices start to sound more like God, our path towards greatness takes off. The more we love ourselves, the more we love our gifts, the closer we get to fulfilling the great and marvelous plan that God has for us. 

BYOP: Build Your Own Pilgrimage

Some of my favorite memories at Notre Dame have come out of my fall breaks. My sophomore year, I got to spend my Fall Break doing research in Brittany, France. It was an amazing week of self-discovery and adventure. My junior year, I spent a week in the mountains of Kentucky serving and teaching at Our Lady of the Mountains School as part of the Center for Social Concerns Appalachia Seminar. This year, I am excited to travel to Montreal on a Campus Ministry pilgrimage. I’m thrilled to be able to use my break as an opportunity to pray and reflect. (Stay tuned for next week when I’ll write about my experience!)

My freshman year, however, I spent my Fall Break at home. It was a really important experience for me. I was homesick, or as I called it then, “lifesick,” for the normalcy that had been my life before I’d gone to college. Going home was a perfect chance to see my family, catch up with my friends, and even visit my old teachers. It was a chance to catch up on sleep, exercise, and eat home cooked meals. I have no regrets coming home my freshman year. Taking care of yourself is always more important than travelling or serving. Going home doesn’t mean you can’t have an inspiring, reflective, or prayerful experience. This week, I’m going to give you my recommendations for a “Build-Your-Own-Pilgrimage Day.”

Rise and Shine- Don’t wake up early. You are on vacation and there is no point praying and reflecting if you are falling asleep. Sleep in late! Then start your day with  morning prayer and reflection. Take a walk and talk to Jesus. Or do prayer yoga in your backyard. Find your favorite spiritual text (or find a new one) and read it while you make your favorite brunch. The beginning of your day can be the most beautiful part- it’s full of possibilities and hope- so use that to start your day with the Lord. What possibilities are you being called to today?

Find Your Path - Before you begin your pilgrimage, I recommend looking up a few nearby pilgrimage locations you might be interested in visiting. Is there a holy site nearby? A cathedral or basilica or shrine? A place where a saint might have lived? This website is AWESOME at giving you ideas! Make sure to check out the website of your site to find out its hours and get a little background info about where you are going. You might also want to find things like times for mass, adoration, or reconciliation, if you want that to be part of your experience. Also, get some directions, because we know it’s all about the journey, but you don’t need the stress of getting lost.

The Journey- Pack some snacks, coffee, your favorite prayer playlist- and head out. Just like all pilgrimages, don’t be afraid to enjoy the journey. Let God be the director of your pilgrimage and be open to the surprises that God puts in your path. Did you pass a beautiful park where you want to walk? Go for it. Is there an adorable bakery that looks delicious? Hit it up. Enjoy and savor each moment of your journey. Focus on the here and now. Be present to the moment you are in and allow yourself to forget about the stress in your life.

The Destination- Take in all you can at the place you visit. Talk to docents or religious. Go to mass or reconciliation or adoration.. Stop by the gift shop and get a medal or prayer card to remember your trip. Pray at a holy spot. Most importantly, visit the part of your destination that seems most important to you. Be like a sponge and absorb it all. Then listen! What is God trying to tell you through being at this place? What can you learn from the saint or holy figure who is remembered in this place? How does this person’s  journey resemble yours? How can his or her life challenge you to be a better person of faith?

Reflect and Refresh- End your day by giving yourself closure. If a local church offers late afternoon mass or evening prayer, stop by on your way home. Or find your favorite spot to watch the sunset. Or take a bike ride by the lake or through the woods. Bring your journal and find a place you are comfortable (if you don’t journal, now is the time to start). Settle yourself and then write through anything you might be feeling after your day of prayer and reflection. What parts of the day were challenging and which parts were comforting to you? How is God trying to speak to you through those moments? Were there parts of your destination that you want to remember? Were there quotes or prayers you encountered today you don’t want to forget? How do you feel challenged as you move forward? Are there questions about yourself that you still feel unanswered? Your journal is your safe place, so share everything you have. Now, go buy yourself ice cream- cause remember today is about treating yourself.

The best part about this Build-Your-Own-Pilgrimage Day is that you can make it all about you. Taking care of your spiritual life is just as important as your social and academic life. Do what you need to find peace on this day! If you end up having a deep conversation with a priest or nun you encounter, talk as long as you need. If you find solace in the prayer garden of your site, stay there till you are full of peace. You are in control of what will make your day most meaningful for you. If you want, bring a friend, or maybe a parent or sibling- but it is also okay to dive into your pilgrimage on your own and be open to new people you might encounter.

Whether you are embarking on a pilgrimage, or research trip, or service trip, or going home- whatever path your fall break takes- take the opportunity to feed your faith life and enjoy every beautiful moment of your journey.

Faith Lessons from Children's Stories

I’ve been obsessed with reading for as long as I can remember. While other two-year-olds were reading “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” with their parents, my mom decided to read me “Little House on the Prairie”. When I was three, I was reading on my own. In Kindergarten, my favorite game was “book shop” where I’d make my own books and then sell them to family. From then on, reading became my secret sanctuary, my perfect escape, my favorite hobby, my constant friend.

Somewhere in between devouring book after book and realizing how much fun it is to write my own, I discovered that I might have a thing for English. So, it isn’t a surprise that I decided to pick English as my major. Hopefully, within the next year or so, I’ll be standing in front a classroom of my own, helping my students fall in love with reading the way I had, and creating a new generation of life-long readers.

In thinking back on some of my favorite pieces of children’s literature, many of which I might even be teaching next year, I’ve realized that some of the most beautiful and true lessons of faith and love come from books that we read years ago. Here are a few of my favorites.

Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne

I’ve loved Pooh stories for a long time. I loved them as a tiny child, but then fell in love with them all over again when I was seven and my sister was old enough to listen. There are countless Pooh stories and somehow more are being written and retold. In the end, Pooh represents the simple, genuine, and pure love of friendship. There are so many delightful quotes that come from Pooh such as, ”If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you,” “Love is taking a few steps backward maybe even more…to give way to the happiness of the person you love,” and “A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.“ I think we should aspire to love like Pooh, to forget the complexities of our relationships, and just love simply.

Charlotte’s Web by EB White

During my mom’s “read-my-two-year-novels” stage, this was one of the first ones we read together. I’ve reread it since and it’s a story that sticks with you your whole life. Wilber the pig is sentenced to be slaughtered, but he makes friends with the resourceful and brilliant Charlotte, a barn spider determined to save him. She does so in the most ingenious way, by writing words in her web that describe Wilber. It’s a really endearing story of friendship and love, and if you’ve made it to college without reading it, you need to pick it up during Fall Break. There are many lessons to be learned in this book, but I think my favorite might be in the words she chooses to describe Wilber. She calls him “terrific,” “radiant,” and “some pig,” but she also calls him “humble.” I think we should all strive to live lives that are terrific and radiant, but also humble.

Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo

This book was definitely the coolest book to read in fourth grade and has given me weird excitement about seeing Winn-Dixie Supermarkets ever since. It’s about a girl named Opal who discovers a dog in the grocery store, which she then adopts and names after said grocery store. While Opal is living a very difficult life, she finds hope in Winn-Dixie and through Winn-Dixie is able to find hope in the places and the people around her. In the same way God is always placing signs of hope in our lives. Just as Opal finds hope in her dog, we can find hope in a beautiful sunset, a warm cup of coffee, or a rich conversation with a favorite friend. These signs of grace give hope and peace even in moments of sadness.

Harry Potter by JK Rowling

Of the things that bothered 13-year-old me, the fact that the church disapproved of Harry Potter was probably one of my biggest frustrations. I had been obsessed with good old HP since I went to a cousin’s Harry Potter themed birthday party in 3^rd grade. I had raced through the books, awaiting each new one’s arrival at midnight. I had the robes and wands, and in elementary school my friends and I spent each recess pretending we were witches and wizards. So by the time I was 13 and the last book had been released, I had found a new grown up way to appreciate the HP series- by finding faith filled messages inside them.

I think this message of faith hits home the most in the last book, Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows. After a lifetime of battling Voldemort, Harry realizes that the only way to vanquish him and to save his friends, and really the whole wizarding world, was to die himself. It didn’t take college level theo classes for me to realize that there was something definitely something Christ-like about the way that Harry sacrificed himself for others. However, when I did get to Notre Dame, I went to a lecture by the Center for Ethics and Culture, where Professor…. To be looked up… discussed the way Harry’s sacrifice at the end of seventh book is the perfect example of living a Christian life. Harry is taking up his cross, just as Christ did. When I read Harry’s decision to die for the wizarding world, and the courage it took to walk to face it- it reminded me so much of the bravery that Christ must have needed to die on the cross. While we might not be called in our lives to die for others, we are called to make sacrifices for those in our lives. We are called, in big and small ways, to parcel out parts of our life to those who we love and those who we know God loves.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

When I read this book my senior year of high school, I thought it was immensely heartbreaking, but astoundingly beautiful. When I traveled abroad, I even made sure to visit spots from the book when I travelled to Amsterdam (link). It’s the story of a boy and a girl whose lives have both been touched by cancer and happen to fall in love. However, they both have very different outlooks about what it means to live a good life. Hazelwants to live her life causing the lease amount of pain to people as possible, even if that means protecting them from herself and the pain of her own inevitable end. Augustus wants to live a heroic life, dying for something that matters. As they both contemplate life and death together, they learn from each other, and find balance in between. Hazel learns that it’s okay to share her own presence and light with others. Augustus learns that there is beauty in living an ordinary life (something my friend Katie wrote about last week). In the end, we too are called to live in those two ways. We are called to let our own light shine, sharing our gifts and ourselves with others. But we are also called to be ordinary, knowing that there is elegance and purpose in each of our everyday lives.

There is something enduring about children’s and young adult literature. It’s the reason why I can look at all these stories and remember the comfort of snuggling in bed as a very small child listening to my mom read to me, or the wonderful excitement of getting a new Harry Potter book at midnight, or even the delight I feel at teaching these stories to students. The lessons in children’s books can be pure and simple, like Winnie the Pooh, but they can also be rich and complex, like in Harry Potter. Each lesson is so valuable. My challenge to you this week is to take five minutes to open up an old favorite book of yours and re-discover lessons in faith, love, and friendship.