A Dance for the Pilgrimage

The people of Brittany, France have special dances they do before pilgrimages and along the way. The dances are laden with symbolism- movements and numbers representing a connection to God and to the entire celestial universe. In just a few weeks, I will dance the same dances myself as I take my own pilgrimage.

It was just six months ago that I found myself staring at a rejection e-mail. I had applied to spend a month of my summer studying creative writing in Nottingham, UK. It was a program for Freshman and Sophomores offered through the Fulbright Commission. I had spent months working on my application: working with advisors to perfect my essays, trying harder than ever in my classes to improve my GPA. Even though it was one of the most competitive programs in the country, I was still heartbroken when I didn’t receive an invitation.

I had spent my entire life dreaming of going to Europe. My family had never been able to afford a trip there. Here I was, a French major who had never seen France, an English major who had never seen England! I felt this restless frustration for never setting food in Europe. I decided to turn my disappointment into determination. I made the resolution that I would go to Europe within the year and offered my prayer up to God, asking that if God willed it, my plans would find a way.

It was not long after that I partook in a series of conversations that shaped the direction I took in deciding how to fulfill this dream. A discussion with another student in the waiting room of the Romance Language office that encouraged me to write to my professor and ask if I could do research for their class; A conversation with the girl that sat next to me in English class who I discovered did research in France over Spring Break and offered to help me; A meeting with my future professor where I expressed my wish to study folk dancing in France; An exchange with another professor where my loose ideas and thoughts became a plan of action. As the summer progressed, my plans continued to fall into place. Surely, God must share the same dream for me, I thought, as I received e-mails from Breton Folk Dancing groups offering to let me interview them and to teach me dance.

In early September, I finished my grant proposal. I had spent lots of time drafting, reading sample proposals, working with CUSE office to edit it, and sending to everyone I knew to read it over. My professor lauded it, telling me that I was a shoe-in for a grant. I had planned on just submitting the proposal to the Nanovic Institute to ask for funding, but ended up checking off the box for CUSE as well, though I had been warned they were much harder to receive.

I continued to wait and pray. The idea of traveling to Europe alone to do research was beginning to seem a little daunting. I put it in God’s hands. I asked God to keep me safe. If the trip would end up putting me danger or a scary situation, I prayed that God would not allow it to happen. I reminded myself that the most important part of a pilgrimage was to put your entire trust in God and have God lead you where you were supposed to be.

I got my reply from Nanovic during one of my classes. They weren’t funding my trip. I fought my tears through the class and tried to throw into activities to distract myself, my inside I felt like the plan I had was crumbling. I felt angry. I had trusted the people editing, my professor, and God- I had thought this was going to happen. I had thought that finally my dream of Europe was going to come true.

When I returned from dance rehearsal on Friday, I was greeted by an e-mail from CUSE regarding the grant. I took a deep breath and told myself I didn’t get it, determined not to be too heartbroken. But surprisingly, when I opened it up, I found they had offered me funding. And that was when I realized how God had really been present the entire time.

The grant was smaller than I had planned, but at the same time, it encouraged me to reach out to ND alumni living in France, asking them for help with housing. Now instead of being alone, which was what had made me wary of the trip, I’ll be staying with other young Americans abroad. I realized that each failure and complication of the trip had shaped it to be exactly what God wanted it to be. The entire point of pilgrimage is to let God take the steering wheel and guide you on your journey. And in typical God-like fashion, the result was better than I could have created myself.

As I go to take my pilgrimage, stepping into the shoes of the Bretons before me who used dance and movement to represent their connection to God and their trust in him for the journey- I look forward for the chance to better my French, to diversify myself a dance, but most importantly, to continue to place my entire trust in God and let him to continue to have the steering wheel.