Irish Blessings

It is ironic, but perhaps fitting that after my last blog I would find myself waitlisted for nearly every program in which I applied. I could tell you more about that. About letter after letter that said things like, “You are a strong applicant, but we haven’t found a placement for you.” About sitting on the bench overlooking the lake crying to my mom on the phone, wondering out loud, “Does anyone believe I will be a good educator?” I could tell you about restless nights crying, wondering where and what God was calling me to do. I could write an honest and painful blog about the heartbreaking frustration of discerning my future.

But writing that blog would shortchange the opportunity to tell you how joyful I am to discover  exactly what God is calling me to do. How jubilant I am to be moving to Ireland next year to teach religion and help with music ministry at a parish in Wexford in a Notre Dame program called House of Brigid. So instead of writing about my heartbreak, I am going to write about how and why I feel so overwhelmingly called to say yes to this next chapter in my life

I remember the night I first began thinking about applying for the House of Brigid program. I had been interning in Dublin over the summer. I was standing in the apartments that were typically used for House of Brigid and I started thinking about it. Teaching catechism and singing in choir were two of my favorite things to do. And I obviously loved being in Ireland. All of a sudden I could see myself here. “What if I applied to House of Brigid?” I thought out loud to a friend standing beside me. “That’d be perfect for you! You should do it,”  she replied.

Looking back there were even more whispers that the House of Brigid was something I was called to do. During Fall semester, I found myself becoming a stress-monster. Every bit of schoolwork overwhelmed me. While I was applying to mostly graduate teaching programs and I couldn’t wait to start teaching, a lot of me worried whether I had the stamina for the demands of graduate work. In the meantime, I couldn’t stop thinking about going back to Europe. My semester and summer abroad had been the best time of my life and I just wanted to slip back into it. I hated trying not to be “that study abroad returnee,” when I felt so transformed, so enthusiastic about the experiences I had while in Europe. I can see now that these thoughts were prayers. They were me asking God to help me find a place where I could find peace from stress, from my restlessness to travel. And it was the beginning of God shaping the perfect solution for me.

I remember sitting outside the interview room for House of Brigid, praying once more. “This program is all about ministry, so I hope you lead people to it who are truly supposed to be there. I’m not sure if this is for me, but if it is, I’m open to it,” I prayed. And then, a half hour later, I left my interview without the same dazzling confidence I felt in the others. I pushed the program from my mind, deciding that I hadn’t done well enough. I wouldn’t get it. So then, weeks later, when I got an e-mail telling me  I was an alternate for the program, I pushed the thought even farther away- contenting myself to enter graduate school and teach.

But God works in mysterious and profound ways. During Spring Break I found out that a spot had opened up for me in the program. I had four days to make a decision. You’d think it would be easy. After all, it was everything I wanted: a chance to return to Europe, an opportunity to share my faith, more experience teaching, and a chance to find peace from my stressful academic schedule. But that weekend I was travelling to Baltimore for another interview for a graduate teaching program. I was struggling to be open to both positions. My heart was calling me to Ireland. But my head was begging me to be practical and start teaching, get a master’s degree right away.

“Give me a sign,” I asked God before Mass while in Baltimore, nearly crying from the stress of discerning. Moments later, I opened my hymnal to a page at random. Irish Blessing it read.

“Okay, God,” I thought, “that’s actually pretty good. But give me more.”  I then began to receive calls and e-mails from people involved with House of Brigid, all with more and more information that helped me see myself there, helped me see that I could be a valuable addition to the program.

I was nearly ready to give in, but a tiny bit of my head clung to the practical. After all, doing a graduate teaching program after graduating had been my plan for so long. I wondered if maybe I should ignore my heart, ignore this strong call and do what was practical. Then I didn’t get the job in Baltimore and I knew more than ever that I was being called to say yes to House of Brigid. I could reapply to teaching programs in a year, but I could follow this call right now.

So I said yes. Since that moment I have only found myself getting more and more excited to go to Ireland, more joyful to have figured out where God was calling me. This isn’t the path I planned for myself, but it is the path God has planned for me. And I cannot wait to see where this path leads.